Today, I read  J.J. Pryor ’s fascinating article about “Idea Sex” — what happens when you take two passions, let them play together, and see what amazing and new creation happens.

Although I know that he wasn’t talking about sexual intercourse between humans (and yes, I am pondering how all of my passions intermingle), my first thought was “YES! This is what I love about true sexual intimacy too! It is the new creation that is possible. Yes, yes, yes!

From Oppression to Creation

After years of oppression and the idea that sex is taboo, non-spiritual, dirty, and all kinds of other nonsense, our sexual lives have become either something to be ashamed of if we aren’t doing it for procreation or it is something where we focus on achieving a certain level of pleasure — for ourselves or our partner.

While both of these things are great, what’s beautiful about sexual intimacy is that there can be so much more. There can be true emotional loving. There can be a deepening of connection. There can be amazing vulnerabilities shared.

And there can also be creation!

I love making love with someone who is bringing their whole self to the bedroom so that we can have an experience that we’ve never had before. As humans, we are so multi-dimensional and interesting. We have vast spirituality that we have never plumbed. We have vulnerabilities that show us the truth about being human. We have openness and love that perhaps we’ve never shared in a particular way.

When two people come together, truly anything is possible and it will be different every time if we are paying attention. Even if you are with the same partner for years, we are truly growing and changing every day. Who is this person today? What are they passionate about?

If you are with someone new, even more adventure is possible. What does this person believe? How do they love? What juicy history and karma are they bringing forward?

This is the beauty of not having any expectations or preconceived ideas about what we want to have happen. As soon as we bring forward what we want to create, we are not in a creation space at all. We are simply repeating something from the past.

But what else is possible?

When I first began studying tantra, there was the recommendation to give up the idea of ejaculation or the goal of orgasm. Of course, the first response is “Well, why are we doing it then?”.

And the answer is “Because there is so much more that can be created!”.

As we began experimenting with this idea, they were so right. Doors opened into full-body experiences that weren’t possible before. Other dimensions of pleasure began flowing through us… and the wild thing is that we never knew what would happen next. We were outside our known experiences from our past.

Mantak Chia used to use the analogy of mountain climbing. He said that when we make love, it is like climbing a mountain. When we ejaculate, we parachute off of the mountain in full joy. Then, the next time we make love, we begin the climb again.

But when we choose to not ejaculate, it is like we make base camp where we were… and the next time we choose to make love, we start from there and begin our climb into new, previously unexplored heights of the mountain.

We are in full creation mode.

Imagine bringing who you truly were to the bedroom — your true passions in life — the way you like to live. Are you naturally quiet? Are you naturally wild? Are you very physical? Do you like to flow?

Do you believe in God or a multi-dimensional existence? Do believe that deep, loving connection is possible? Do you believe that love is healing? Do you believe that vulnerability is a strength? Do you believe that the deeper we go, the more we can connect?

What makes you passionate about being alive? What entertains you in the world?

Imagine that this is what we brought to our intimacy — who we truly are… and then we get to share this whole self with another whole self. We get to let these passions dance with each other — with no other intention than to see what will be created…

In this moment… in this instance… in this exploration…

What new experience will we create together?